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Archive for June 4th, 2005

Step back, suckah!

My friend Alice in Nova Scotia wrote me to tell me about having watched “Pimp My Ride” once on television. Her description of it was so funny that I asked her if I could post some of it.

I was flicking through the channels and there was this show. Ridiculous! It’s very boring, really, although there are some interesting characters who actually customize people’s cars. Guys with gold teeth and good MexiCali accents. The one I saw had a young woman with a crappy car and a disabled grandma; they lived together, she took care of her grandma, so I bet that’s probably a factor. Schlocky stuff. The funniest scene involved the woman opening the door for her grandma – they’d changed the door from a regular side opener to one that lifted like a wing. And then the two of them riding along with the massive stereo system playing rap music, grandma sitting there with her purse on her lap, looking stunned but still smiling. The alarm system was customized to play Xzibit’s voice saying “Step back, sucker, this is a warning from Xzibit!”

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Pimp My Life!

After reading the comment to my previous post left by Kostas (my first fan!) I checked out the two blogs he mentions, ManifestoGR and Fufurasu. I’ve put both of them on my Bloglines list.

Fufurasu has one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen on a blog. Back in December he posted about an MTV programme I’ve never heard about (not surprising, since I don’t have a TV) called Pimp My Ride, hosted by a rapper called Xzibit. I know there are shows which renovate and refurnish people’s houses. They’re basically long advertisements for the furniture companies. I saw one in Canada last Christmas. My mother and sister love the show. I think there’s even been one like it here in Greece. Well, this MTV show is the same sort of thing, except that they fix up your car.

Orestes at Fufurasu describes in a typical blog post watching the show for the first time, and describes the programme. Interesting, but nothing unusual. Sometimes we write about a film we’ve seen, or a book we’ve read. That sort of thing.

Then something weird happened. People started flocking to his blog, thinking it was MTV and begging for him to pimp their ride. As I write this, there are 99 comments. Most of them are people in the States (who sometimes leave their names and addresses!), but there some from the UK, one from South Africa, Algeria, and Russia. Someone even wants their boat pimped.

It’s funny to see Orestes try to tell them it’s not MTV:

Uhm. I should mention that I am not Xzibit, nor am I affiliated in any way with MTV, or involved in the production of the show. I just watch it from time to time. This is just my personal site, kids.Uhm. I should mention that I am not Xzibit, nor am I affiliated in any way with MTV, or involved in the production of the show. I just watch it from time to time. This is just my personal site, kids.

And when they still don’t listen:

Oh dear.

And finally:

Uhm… uh, you know…

Oh, what’s the use. Carry on.

Sometimes other people try to talk some sense and explain that this is not the place they’re looking for, but people keep on leaving messages, sometimes with desperate urgency:

Please pimp my fiancés ride. He is a wonderful guy that has been trying to progress in life and is constantly faced with obstacles. Adrian went of to school and paid $2,000 for a Toyota Celica 91’ which ended up being a piece of crap. He invested about $800 in it and it still broke down. He lost his job because he couldn’t get to work. He decided to just go for a cheap Toyota Camry 88’. Which has turned into another nightmare.I’m deaf. I’m just tired of being struggling with my money. My job don’t pay me well. I owe my girlfriend a lot of money. I have OLD truck. It’s 1989 Chevy S10 2D 4×4. I don’t know how long it will go last. When I saw Pimp My Ride on MTV. I have been keep myself saying that I NEED them to pimp my ride so badly. I want to stop worrying about losing car with no money in one day. I don’t want to ask my girlfriend for borrow her money ever again! PLEASE…DO ME A FAVOR, MY FRIEND. PIMP MY FRIGGING RIDE.THANK YOU. PEACE Y’ALL!

There’s a lot of anguished soul-bearing:

Dear Xzibit I am a 13 year old living in imbarisment. Because I have to ride in my dads old *** car. It is a 1991 lincin towns car. It is the same age as meHe evens spends more money fixing his car then buying me clothes. . If you come see the seats are all worn out and the color is old and plan (the color is sivlir).All of my friends makes fun of me when they see my dads car drive by. Please MTV can you pimp my dads ride.I have a prgnet 16 yr old dauter I have to now rid on the bus to get back and forth to work and alwas seem to be late every time .other than that I have three other children another girl and two other boys the girls love puting on lip gloss in the mirur, the boys love playing video games but I guss I can’t affurd eny of that not even to fix my car. so pleas pimp my rid

Please Please Please help me and Pimp up my ride, I am 14 years old and one of the most embarrassed kids in our area, as my dad is in love with his Ford Mondeo even though it is falling apart. Most of the other kids around here show up in new cars and my dad can’t afford a new one and i don’t think he would change it even if he could afford a new car, but it is in definate need of an Xzibit showdown. So how about taken the Pimp my Ride on tour to the UK, my dad is still quite cool but his ride lets him and me down in a massive way. I plead with you help me be cool by getting my Dad to look cool.

I remember in Wings of Desire how the angels would put their hands on people’s shoulders, and you could hear them worrying about things — their loved ones, their hopes and fears and despair. In one scene, one of the angels goes to the library in Berlin and you can hear hundreds of people thinking, so many voices that it sounds like a huge machine.

Perhaps in time people will go to Fufurasu to confess and be comforted. I imagine people all over the world, lying awake at night, praying, worrying, not knowing who to turn to, where to get help, all of them murmuring, Pimp my ride … pimp my ride … please pimp my ride …

Check it out here.

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